rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
