I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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