OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
