WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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