I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
