sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
