Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
