someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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