im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
My pussy is not your playground.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
These tits shall not be calmed
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