I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
