I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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