The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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