Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
