I accidentally had phone sex last night
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
