my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
