I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Princesses don't give blow jobs
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
