At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
