There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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