I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
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