He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
