Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
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He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
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while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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