My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
