Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
