Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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