Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
We have started to decorate penises.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
