Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
