doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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