then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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