Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
