Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
