whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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