Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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