There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize