i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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