what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize