Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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