can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
