I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
