ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
