i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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