just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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