Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
