I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
