I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
