I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
