just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
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