Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I forget how to act sober
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
