Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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