Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
