we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
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you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
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