I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I can text with my tongue
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Dicks are not precious.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
