This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
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No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
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You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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