I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
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