a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
