I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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