Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
