went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
She made me pour olive oil on her.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
