My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
