he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
