I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
