after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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