is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just want to make out with him forever
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
