The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
