Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
