I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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