Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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