his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
