the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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