So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
