wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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