I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
